Process? Nah!

 

We spend a few weeks getting them ready for closing out the Fiscal Year.  To do that you need three things: Knowing how much money came into the budget, Funds spent on Goods and Services, and an estimate of what other unpaid obligations are out there.  They sort of got the first two, as the Automated Financial system we built for them pretty much does that.  The last one is another story.  Ah, General, I see the Ministry has awarded only about 100 contracts this year, yet we seem to be expensing far more?  Well yes Mr. George, the vendors have been working and delivering goods for a while now.  I stare at him, “ah even without awarding contracts?”  Of course Mr. George, you can’t expect the police to go without food and fire wood?  So much for process.  Seems like Mr. Old Bills is going to busy this coming year.  Yes Mr. George, I think so. 
 

A Gun to Their Own Head

Its odd how many times the locals put a gun to their head demanding that unless we provide them “X” then they won’t do “Y”.  It’s an interesting game of brinksmanship that we inevitably loose since they have been doing this stuff a lot longer than we have.  Just this week, the parliament voted down the next budget because they wanted, among other things, for us to commit in advance to paying the prior year’s contract expenses.  What those are, we are not sure yet, but that does not seem to stop them from demanding we pay anyway.  I have to admit, it’s a brilliant strategy and not one we have a real counter for.  I sat in awe of the strategy being applied before me, trying to hide my body language.  I smiled, thinking of the dilemma from a scene in the movie “Blazing Saddles”.  I wonder if they will pull the trigger?

 

Santa Pimp

We have done much to spruce up this camp for Christmas, but the big day arrived so it was time to take it up a notch.  A few weeks back I went to the tailor at the Friday Bazar and drew up a rough sketch of a Christmas suit.  He clearly seemed perplexed at this rather odd order, but would do what I wanted as I had already bought four custom fitted suits from him.  Two weeks later, it arrived.  I put it on and it fit like a glove.  Santa Pimp strutted around camp Christmas Eve, the next day at the Director’s meeting and even on a movement with my Guardian Angel keeping an eye out for any pesky Afghan elves.  It always makes you feel good when class up the joint.  Merry Christmas!!!

 

 

How Bad Do They Want It

It fascinates me just how much effort we put into helping them succeed.  We “help” them develop the plan, the execution strategy, bring resources to bear and even crank numbers they should easily do.  Sometimes it seems we want this vision more than they do.  Many times it’s a cultural thing, not wanting to take the lead for fear of failure in the eyes of others, but sometimes it’s just because we seem to want it more.  There are a number here who ascribe to “holding their feet to the fire”, but they forget that it leaves your hands burned as well and makes a cripple of the one you are trying to help.  Things will change, but over time.  To them, our deadlines are not, but rather another point for further discussion.  I am convinced now more than ever that this Nation-building stuff is not for the Military, not because they can’t, but rather it’s the lack of patience.

Good Air - Bad Air

They told me the air here would be terrible.  Not only does Kabul have the highest particulate fecal matter in the air on a good day, but that at winter time its far worse.  The locals burn everything to keep warm.  Plastic, tires, dung, anything.  It’s their version of recycling.   Some days it smells like a combination of a Gym, feet and bad BBQ if you can imagine.  If there is no wind to blow it away, the smog stays put and your lungs get irritated.  We have all begun to invest in air cleaners for the offices and our sleeping quarters.  After a year here, the military can petition for 10% disability, but we in the Civil Service have no such privileges.  The one good thing is the annoying runners have pretty much ceased for the winter.

Reasonable Air

 

 

 

Not so good air

 



Tis the Season

It’s still two weeks before Christmas, but somehow I got the bug to start decorating this place.  Usually I don’t touch anything Christmas until 12 days out, but somehow the blandness of the camp was getting to me.  On our late-start day, I came in early, going deep into the storage rooms.  Before long I found the X-Mas kitsch stash left by others before me. A fake tree, some lights, garland, a few wreaths and large box of bulbs.  Within an hour I was on a decorating frenzy, others showed up and joined in.  Little by little, Christmas was soaking into our can.  More importantly, we set a high bar for the other cans.  Folks are now taking selfies in front of ours to send home.  This is good.

My Afghan Interpreters asked about the meaning of the Christmas tree, Santa and the lights.  I told them in a story-like fashion that Americans try to make all religious holidays fun so we don’t kill each other.  The tree was a compromise to the Druids and Santa, well who can resist an old man who sneaks into your house to give something special to your children!!! 

 

 

 

 

Trust

I have learned that there are two key moments for an Advisor in Afghanistan.   The first is when your partner brings you into his circle of trust.  You can tell that when you both walk and he holds your hand for the first time in public.  It’s an outward symbol to others, especially to his guardians who are from his clan, that I have earned the trust of the leader.  This is good as you never know when an extra gun barrel down range will be needed.  It took me about a month and a half of face-to-face meetings, and keeping my word on a few key promises to earn that status.  It was an incredible high for me when it happened. 

The second is when you first discover that this same person is lying to your face.  At the end of the day, no matter your intentions, you are the outsider.  Once you realize these two situations can, and do, coexist, you can better meet your mission.  The boss said on our first introduction that you will find yourself bouncing between going too native or too cold.  You need to operate in the middle to be effective.  Afghanistan is the place for the pragmatist.

 

Afghan Allegory

The closest allegory to Afghanistan I can find on camp are the local cats.  Yes, the cats.  They can clearly fend for themselves, meow only when a coalition member walks by them, and know for the most part that once they do, we will give them something valuable from our stocks.  Yup…that is this place. 

We have a group of folks on camp who are members of the Feline Force Protection Agency (FFPA) that look after the cats. They gave them all names, provide checkups, shots and set up and stock their feeding centers.  You can even take one home to the US for a few grand if you want to.  Presumably, these cats are cared for to be the mousers of the camp and keep rabid strays away.  There are signs all over camp not to feed them, but who can resist.  (I can).  The reality is that most are overweight, can barely climb or run, yet do a fine job of keeping weak outsiders away from the cushy life here. They have learned well.

 

USO Tour

I remember long ago hearing about entertainers going overseas to perform for the troops.  I thought how nice it was for them to take time off to bring a little bit of Americana to those away from home. Well, I was the recipient this time, as the Harlem Globetrotters came to camp to play in our dingy gym.  It wasn’t much of a place but these guys (and the first female Latina) made the best of it.  They did the same forty year-old routine with a smile and everyone loved it.  I couldn’t take my eyes off the spectacle.  They flew in by helo that afternoon in battle rattle, met the troops, played a game against their “opponent” (who I rooted for just because), took pictures, signed autographs and off they went.  I smiled the rest of the night.

 

Crazies

We were all shocked, but unfortunately not surprised, by the carnage in France and California.  In a very weird way, I may be safer here than back home.  At least I have weapons, an armored car and folks who keep an eye out for crazies with their car bombs.  I may even know about when the car bomb guy will be on the road.  Back home, the crazies (whether terrorists or the “non-terrorist”) could be anywhere and strike seemingly at random.  While the coalition foreigners here understand terrorism, they don’t understand the rash of mass shootings in the US.  How can you put up with this almost every month the Afghans ask?  I really don’t have an answer.  The left don’t want those with psychological problems to be stigmatized while the right don’t want the tools of their carnage to be controlled.  I just shrug and tell the Afghans to think twice about leaving.

Hunters

We haven’t been out of the Green Zone for a week now.  Not a good thing if you are an advisor, but we make due by inviting our principals come to camp, and they do show up once in a while.  Frankly, as leaders, they can’t afford to be away from their offices any more than we can back home.  Advising at camp is not the same as going to their Ministry.  The bad guys are out hunting for us, so we make it hard for them.  It’s an odd thing to have a pretty good idea who these guys are by name, where they are from, and what they drive, yet can’t do much about it.  The local police are hunting for them as well and luckily caught a few this week, but there are a few more out there.  The “Be on the lookout” warning for a Toyota Corolla with a single bearded male doesn’t help much in this city.   You go out on convoy with your head on a swivel when allowed and stay put when you aren’t.   We aren’t here to stay put.

 

Next Generation

We graduated another class of 24 college educated young Afghans to be contractors for the Ministry (in Kabul and in the Provinces) to help them flesh out the processes and procedures needed to make this place run.   The hope is that sometime in the future they will roll into the civil service corps, but frankly I have my doubts.  The average civil servant makes between $250-$400 a month, while these contractors will make about $1100 a month which nearly twice that as a one-star General.  This is not sustainable.  I spoke to the class letting them know just how important their job will be.  I reminded them that without money, there is no police, and that errors in their work ties up money that could otherwise be supporting the forces in their battle with the enemy.  They seem to get it.  While I am very hopeful, I am not naïve.  Most will do great work but a few will get turned by corruption, especially if we leave in place the uniformed middle managers left over from the Soviet era.  Folks here never get fired, they just get moved to other positions, with some even getting promoted away.

Thanksgiving

A very American holiday that seems to resonate with many in the coalition.  It’s a time to gather with those closest to you, share a meal and think about how good we actually have it compared to many outside the castle walls.  Those around you are either your peers, support structure, or guardians and I’m happy to be meeting as many of them as I can.  The command asked us leaders to think about volunteering our time to serve food to the troops.  Who could pass up the chance?  We donned our hair nets, gloves and aprons and manned the chow lines.  It was great to see smiles on the young soldiers.  The vendor who has the catering contract will be leaving at the end of December, so they cooked up a pretty good meal (I guess to make up for all the poor meals in the prior months), with lots of decorations made from fruit and bread.  It was nice and a good break from the grind.  Yet, by 7pm, most everyone was back at work.  Nation building never rests.

Staff Meeting inStyle

I try not to hold many staff meetings.  Give folks overall guidance and a long leash and you will be amazed what can be done.  I tend to keep tabs on what is going on with the team by walking around.  I hold a staff meeting once a week, but now that it is getting cold, we gave up the outdoor settings for a conference room.  For that last few weeks, we got the Palace conference room.  It just amazing just how much more important meetings feel when in such spaciousness, seats aren’t ripped, the floor is clean and there is a map on the wall.