Patience........Eroding

Old timers, those that have been here six months or more, told me that I would become cynical after two months, tops! Well, it’s been nearly three and I’ve got to say, I’m finally losing patience the some within and outside the castle walls.  I pride myself in being able to get along with folks, work collaboratively, then move out on a solution.  Outside the walls, the Afghan way is to assess all the angles for a while before committing to anything.  It’s a byproduct of surviving, knowing that your enemies are watching and waiting for a mistake.  General, we worked real hard to establish these Budget accounts to help repair Ministry facilities damaged by the enemy.  All we need is a final sanctioning by the Minister, so do you think we can put this in front of him before the holidays I ask.  Well Mr. George, this will not be possible. You see, we came in to work on this for three days before the holidays, so now we will take those three days off on the back end on the holidays……..it’s only right you know. Hmmm, oh yes, only right I say in disbelief as my Deputy smirks.  Well maybe we should just contract for all these repairs ourselves, I say wryly………. Can you do that for us Mr. George?   I’m leaving now.

Keep Calm and Take it Off........Budget

When things aren’t going fast enough in the eyes of us Coalition types, we are tempted to take things away from the locals and execute it ourselves.  We call it “Taking it off Budget” which works well for getting some things done, but does nothing for building local capacity for the day we have to leave here.  We have taken many things off budget, some for good reason (technical complexity or to stop likely corruption) and some just because.  Mr. George, is there any way we can stop this from going Off-Budget? The General’s staff asks. Well, you can’t award this contract in time and the coalition thinks it can do it faster somewhere else, I say confidently.   So, if you take this off-budget, can the money still stay in our account?  As the wheels turn in their heads.     No! that is the purpose of off-budgeting, otherwise it’s just another way of giving you more money, I say.  Silence, as they smile.   My office has since made up T-shirts to wear.

Of course it says "Budget" on the back.  I would be violating General Order 1 if it didn't.

Afghan Normal

Just about every behavior can be modeled mathematically if given enough time and data.  Yet so many folks around here build management systems and measure Afghan progress through western standards.  There is precious little analysis around here, so no one has really analyzed what “Afghan Normal” is.  I assigned homework to my staff and they looked at me as if I had two heads.  We have had a functioning government apparatus for three years now, so we should have the data to tell us what their “normal” looks like, to know when the train is going off the rails.  After a week of struggling, they came up with bubble charts, and glossy phrases.  I can’t blame them, most of what goes on around here is not based in much analytical or statistical rigor.  I did a quick assessment on Afghan Payroll and found that it goes in wild swings, so much so that some districts don’t even get paid for a month, but it does settle out and it’s predictable.  For us it’s abhorrent, but for them its In-Shalah! (God willing) and it works for them.  So what’s wrong with it, I ask the auditor trolls?  Well, that just won’t do they tell me.  Why?, I ask since I have data that says this is normal.  Well, its just not right, he says, and they will have to conform.  Hmmm, how about we send a memo to the Minister and President telling them we need to flatten the Payroll bumps and make it “right”, I say sarcastically.  Wonderful, says the audit troll.  Really?

The Next Generation

My team has done quite a bit since coming here that I can look back on with pride: Increased Martyr pay, helped them learn to balance their books, get decent pay actually into the pockets of the Police, and put funding in place to repair damaged facilities.  But those will be forgotten when I leave here.  Of the significant sums we have spent in this place, probably one of the most enduring legacies will likely be one of the most inexpensive.  This year, someone had the novel idea of selectively populating the Ministry with young, smart college educated functionaries to help bring some procurement and fiscal savvy and discipline to their processes.  These “Subject Matter Experts” are not Civil Servants, having little if any protection other than a letter from the Minister and placed with a one year contract.  But if they are good, then maybe after a few years get placed in civil service.   Did you know there are 14,000 Indian-trained college graduates in Afghanistan, with 13,000 more on the way? 

 We started with 50 or so of these SMEs split between Kabul and the Provinces in the hopes that they would help the Police get their books and procurement packages in order, tracking the budget and the like.  It was a calculated risk.  If these young kids were seen as tools of the coalition, then they would be shut out by those they were sent to help, or worse yet, their lives would be in danger.   Fortunately, the program has taken off and these young folk are coming into their own and networking with each other on how best to do their job.  The program is seen as one of the most transparent around here as we do the testing, interviewing, hiring and paying of their salaries.  This year we plan to hire 75 and hopefully 400 more before we leave.  We interview about a dozen every few days who travel hours and days from the provinces to our camp.  Generals are now sending me emails asking me to hire their relatives, but we all resist telling them that we dont bypass the process.  The young ones seem to know about this and have thanked us for standing our ground.   Of all the tasks I have had so far, interviewing bright, young Afghans, hungry for jobs in their own country has been the most rewarding.  The seeds of the next generation have been planted. 

Sly Ones

Don’t ever let anyone tell you the locals aren’t smart.  The ones we deal with are the survivors of thirty years of war.  They know how we think and have mastered our processes and naiveté.  Mr. George, I have these old bills for wood and fuel from two years ago.  The documents are complete and all they need is your signature.  My Army Deputy, with disbelief in his eyes, tells me that he has seen this before and warns me not to fall for it.  Hmmm, why so long I ask the claimant?  Well, they are from the provinces and were returned many times for incompleteness.  Clue 1 (Poor work).   Having incomplete documents is a sign of lax discipline I say.  Yes, but they have now learned how to make good documents so the Coalition can approve them.  Clue 2 (Suck up).  So how do I know these bills have not been paid before, I ask? They have not and this I know, he says with confidence.  Clue 3 (He knows I can’t substantiate).  Well we’ll take a look and let you know, but if the papers are in order, then likely the bills will be paid.  My Deputy sits quietly watching all this unfold. 

Well, a little bit of due diligence won’t hurt will it? I rationalize later to my Deputy.  George, he says, you have now hitched your wagon to their horse, and it’s going to be hard to say no.  Sure enough, a few days later thirty more contracts worth of bills show up.  Damn!!!! I’ve been had.  So now I have developed this elaborate committee process to review old bills………and have been given the name “Mr. Old Bills”.  To complete the theater, I even had a document stamper made up.  My Deputy is still laughing.

The Company BBQ

Our Contractor support staff invited my office to a BBQ at their place.  It’s a way to get everyone to relax a bit.  Of course, nothing in Kabul is easy or terribly relaxing.  We must plan a “Movement” to get to the “Monkey House” just outside the walls of the camp.  The House is where our contractors live and commute to and from every day.  Oddly, we can see their place from in the camp.  So after much paper work, and weapon assignments, we are ready to march the 200 yards outside the walls to the BBQ.  We all get briefed on the movement plan, radio codes, emergency contacts and all the “what ifs”.  We then don armor, rack our pistols and get the long guns ready.  Our combat patrol to the BBQ begins and after 30 mins of dodging the street kids with their deft sales pitches, we arrive at the Monkey House.  Someone with a large house has leased it to the Contractors for a hefty fee no doubt.  We listen to music, eat BBQ chicken and learn about ourselves and our hosts.  Just like back home!!

 

 

The BBQ Patrol.  Note the Peace Dove!

 

Labor Day BBQ with some great folks.

 

Keep Gun Port Closed

We travel to our meetings in armored convoy vehicles, Toyota Land Cruisers and Fords mostly.  They are rugged and fairly dependable.  Comfort is secondary.  My deputy is much over 6 feet so his head has to tilt to the side when in his kit and helmet.  The suspensions are stiff to handle the weight of the armor so the ride is jarring.  As we ride, we are all expected to do our parts. For passengers, its keeping an eye on those just outside the windows.  Bad people have been favoring the car bomb, so we look out for anyone driving unusually.  Not a strange thing in Kabul.  I watched as school boys deftly maneuvered the traffic as they crossed the street and a young couple on a motorcycle avoiding the backup by scooting up the sidewalk.  No matter what seems to happen around here, life just keeps moving.

 

We civilians and our wonderful "Guardian Angels" getting ready for convoy.