Bombs and Rainbows

The enemy made a bold statement by attacking one of the Afghan Security Force compounds close to us.  We knew it was big as our building shook pretty well.  The alarms went off telling us to shelter in place as we kitted up, take account of our staff and continue working at our desks.  A rather interesting sight as your co-workers in full body armor, clicked at their mouse(s?) and tapped on their keyboards.  The bad people detonated a vehicle bomb at the compound gate, then stormed with armed men.  The whole thing lasted a few hours as the gun battle raged on.   About two hours later a rainbow appeared with its end seemingly landing about where the tragedy took place.  This place is full of irony or hope………….take your pick.

What Goes Around

I have a file of folders behind my desk of all the key issues I have/am working.  Its old school, but at least whoever comes after me will know what is going on since you can’t trust the servers and they won’t likely have access to my files.  It’s a funny thing, but after 10 months, what slowly moved from the front of the file to the rear, now jumps up to the front again.  Just when you thought you killed an issue and did the happy dance, within a few months someone (Afghans) will find a way to do “Project Lazarus”.  Lately, Death payments, and Special Police Unit pay have come back to haunt me.  Seems like some energetic officer thinking they can really help their counterpart, listens to a sob story about the mean “Mr. George”, and presto, a new crusader is born.  I’m thinking of putting up a banner outside our can which lists all the “initiatives” we are not entertaining.  Essentially, go away!

 

 

Newbies

Our trainers warned us that if the locals weren’t getting what they wanted out of you, they would wait you out for the next newbie to come.  The trick is to document all your “no” responses in such a way that it sounds like “I fought the good fight for you, but other forces were at play”.  It seems to work in this highly conspiratorial society.  We beat down an expensive digital simulation trainer (i.e Gameboy on steroids) that a prior US Colonel dangled in front an Afghan General some months ago.  Yet a new Colonel arrived, the General whined about the need for better trainers and that a proposal was ready to go, and the newbie bit, hook, line and sinker, and even committed to do all he could to see this unaffordable and unsustainable trinket delivered.   When the proud Colonel knocked on the door of Mr. Money (me), I smiled and told him that he had been suckered.  There was no money for this and it was wholly unsustainable.  “Well George, what can “we” do so I don’t lose face, he said sheepishly.  I told him to go back and scope down the project, wait a month and tell the General, that because other forces were at play, the good Colonel can get him a much scaled down version of a training center (think Carnival-style B-B gun shooting gallery).  And so it goes………………………..again.

New MODAs

The next crop of 22 MODAs arrived in Camp.  We had to sponsor at least one to help get them through the endless Army paperwork and settled into their rooms.  Some had worried looks of Taliban behind every tree, but most were just happy to finally get to work after seven weeks of training.  Our Class is now betting how many of this new batch will be sent home before their year is up.  The class before mine has sent home 10 of the 23 that came (clearly a dysfunctional lot), but ours has only lost one so far.  Like I said earlier, this country wallows in shades of gray, so if you are a black and white thinker, and can’t live a simple life in a cramped setting, then this place will chew you up. This latest batch is very friendly which should serve them well.  At the end of the day it’s your ability to get along with people that will save you (figuratively and literally). 

 

 

With a New MODA. Note the style differences

 

 

Tree Wars

One of the program offices planted two saplings in front of our Camp Morale Center.  Well, this did not sit well being bested by the new kids on the block.  So the Ministry of Finance Advisors went one better and planted a taller cherry tree at the same place.  Clearly war had been declared.  Not to be outdone by either, I asked my Afghan interpreters if they could get me prices for three fruit tree saplings from somewhere in Kabul.  The next morning, three saplings, with few roots and wrapped in small shopping bags end up in my can as my interpreter smiles.  “Mr. George, look we found you trees”.  Clearly a midnight raid on someone’s precious garden, but I wasn’t going to ask.  “Oh well lets get these symbols of Afghan righteousness and transparency in the ground quick.  I gave the camp gardener $20 (one week’s salary) to haul them to the same small patch of lawn with the other trees.  And there it is.  The tree war has been won by my Ministry of Finance team with one each apricot, apple and pear saplings that maybe in three generations of advisors from now will taste from its branches.  I wonder where we can have a sign made?   …………Oh Zafiri, can you find out the cost of a few signs?

 

Jewel Guy - Follow up

The Jewel guy ended up selling me fake rubies and sapphires.  Ah Afghanistan!  Sort of the story here.

Trainwreck

Sometimes you are at the right time to witness a train wreck as it happens.  You know, the situation where the deftly laid out plan is subjected to a series of anticipated and unanticipated gaffes when it all then falls apart.  But there are those rare moments, when you actually are there helping to lay down the tracks, winding up the engine and ever so eagerly pushing it to get it moving knowing all along that a catastrophe awaits.  We all sat and watched as the locals agreed to timeframes they (and we all knew) could not meet.  No matter what we said to the contrary, leadership set its vector and that was that.  “Do you realize that we tried this with less than half the contracts last year and it took us six months, but now we want to do all this in a month?” we chimed in.  “Well, it’s in “The Plan”, so they will just do what they agreed to do ……..”  Never one to miss a chance to say something, I chimed in, “but Sir, you did hear they said “Inshallah” after every sentence as they committed to this (Their definition: God willing, Our Definition: No Way!).   As a Roman once said to the slave “Row well and live”.

 

Movies

To relax after a tough day, we sometimes rush out of the office a bit early to the camp theater to watch a movie.  It’s an eclectic mix of titles that play at 8pm every day.  The weeks usually have a theme, Action Adventure, Romantic Comedies, Dramas, Mysteries, Holiday and the always popular war movies.  This week we had Afghan related movies “Rock the Casbah”, “Kite Runner” and “The Beast” intermixed with war related movies where the locals fight outnumbered against the evil occupiers.   Characters extoling the virtues of the “Freedom Fighter” against the mean imperialists in this place seems paradoxical.  You can see folks squirming in their seats. 

 

Speak Woman!

Her name is Gulshan.  We hired this young financial Subject Matter Expert to work the Gender portfolio at the Ministry.  She is a smart, Indian educated Afghan woman with something to prove in this male dominated world.  At the first formal quarterly budget review of the year, she was selected to brief the status of “Gender” salaries and investments.  This was a first as no woman had ever briefed at a Two-star level forum.  She came to the head of the table, sat down and began rattling off numbers and her assessment of the state of the high profile program, making eye contact with the General and the other Colonels gathered around the table. Her voice was firm and her words knowledgeable and authoritative.  Gulshan hit it out of the park!   A great day, and a phenomenal start for the next generation.